I know that sounds dramatic, and as most of you know I do like to be a little over the top sometimes, but in this case… in this case I am completely and utterly serious.  

I know that the polite thing to do would be to put this under a cut so that no one has to scroll past it if they don’t want to, but I’m not going to do that and here is why.  I want the world to know how thankful I am to my friends.  I’m not asking you to reblog this, I’m not even asking you to read it.  I am asking you to respect it though.  It won’t destroy your dash.  It is just a thank you note to the people who deserve all the awards in life.  

Here is my story and my thank you:

As most of you know this last year has been a hard one.  I’ve been recovering from bulimia as well as dealing with past wounds that needed to be healed.  

Three-hundred-and-seventy days ago I attempted suicide.  I took a bottle of pills and washed it down with a bottle of alcohol.  My clock radio went off to the local Christian radio station and the song “You are more”  by Tenth Avenue North came on.  I took that as my sign from God that I was supposed to live, that I was more than the problems in my life and I went and forced myself to throw up the pills and the alcohol.  Five days later February 25th I finally admitted that I had a problem and started the hardest trial of my life to date.  

Recovery has not been easy, and suicidal thoughts don’t just go away.  I don’t know how many times I thought that it would just be easier to end it all, but in that time I had great friends who held me up.  This post is not to belittle the role my family had, or to ignore the help I had from so many, but rather it is to thank the two people who saved my life over and over and over again.  This is to thank them for the nights that they stayed up way beyond reasonable sleeping hours to listen to me cry.  This is for the days that they helped me keep everything in perspective.  This is for all of the times that they reminded me that I am worthwhile, that I deserve to live.  

One year doesn’t fix everything.  I still struggle, I still have dark thoughts, but I am recovering.  I think I will always be recovering, there really is no such thing as being recovered, not from something that is so pervasive in every little part of your life.  But I’m okay with that.  I know I am strong enough to beat this, and with the help of my two friends I have.  

This post is for Kristen and Katie.  This post is for the two people who have loved me even when I was at my least lovable.  I just wanted to say thank you, to both of you.  You really did save my life.  

I love you.